What will most likely be the first question is, "Is this really Thora Birch's Facebook page?". To the extent of my knowledge, and various other sources, -including a previous piece on the VICE site- (www.viceland.com) it is.
Next, you'll notice part-way through this conversation, that the subjects of this piece (barring Ms. Birch) are Australian. Now, this is in no way an attack/commentary on/political statement about- the Aussie peoples.
Any Australians I've known, either personally or through just being a fan, have seemed like good-natured, hard-drinking people. In all honesty, until I checked further, I just assumed the illiterate rednecks herein were American.
With that out of the way, let me give a brief background into what transpired.
Several months ago I became Facebook "friends" with one Ms. Thora Birch, of "American Beauty" and "Ghost World" fame. I've since visited her profile less-than rarely.
The other night a post from her page happened to pop into my feed. In it I saw a horrible trainwreck of the English language. Blocks of letters without vowels, plus symbols and odd spaces, trying to form what I can only assume were words. The culprit was a gentlemen we will henceforth refer to as "Dipshit #1".
Now curious, I scrolled down the page and saw that "Dipshit#1" had been leaving quite a few of these internet chicken-scratch comments. Once determining they were not, in fact, some sophisticated form of code, I decided to post a reply to his latest one.
What began as me exercising my rakish charm, evolved into the outing of a group of mouth-breathing, illiterate, Australian racist-rednecks, who had formed some sort of coven on Thora Birch's page. I felt it my duty to intervene, as they were obviously evolving a sinister plan. A plan to use Ms. Birch to lure her fans to their lair, where they could roast and eat them. Below is the complete comment thread of what followed (I have blocked the names and images of participants who are not myself. Which is really a shame, as you are missing Dipshit#1's sweet shades) I should also mention I have dubbed one of our protagonists "Racist Ogre Dipshit" because of her keen resemblance to Shrek. :
You can say it's only Facebook, and it is her private page. So, in essence, Ms. Birch has no responsibility to behave in any particular way. Yet to me it's still quite telling, and I suppose I'll have a bit of a bad taste in my mouth should I ever see "Ghost World" again.
But I'm not too worried about the three "Dipshits". Sooner or later, all ogres get turned to stone by passing Hobbits, anyway.
(Update- Soon after this, Thora Birch posted saying she wasn't sure how much longer she might have her facebook page. See? I was right in the first place!)