Bam?

I don't understand the rhyme or reason behind the crowd's bursts of applause and cheering on "Emeril Live". For example; what's so applause-worthy about the garlic, but not the tomato paste?

I'll Probably Never Like You As Much As I Like Lauren Graham

In my best dreams I am married to Lorelai Gilmore (or Lauren Graham, since I don't see a substantial difference) and we have a marginally successful indie-rock band, ala Mates of State. Then I wake up and my smelly little dog is rubbing himself on my covers and I remember I am single and have no discernible musical talent. Bye bye, Lorelai..

Why Garfield Is A Philosophical Genius

Having been raised on a steady stream of Garfield books, all bought through the Scholastic book club program in grade school, it is my belief that all of the world's problems can be solved with lasagna. The lasagna will need to be served only warm enough as to allow it to be eaten directly from a rectangular iron pan with bare hands. (See scientific diagram; above)

They'll Have To Change That Hands-Free Law

I am convinced that human evolution is moving us to the point where we will no longer have voices. We won't need them. All communication will be text-based, and as such we will develop thinner, multi-jointed thumbs, capable of hitting tiny text message keys at an accelerated rate. All speakers will be removed from cell phones and all regular telephones will soon be sought-after collector's items. Relics from the archaic period where you were actually forced to listen to sounds coming from another human's mouth. In the future this will seem grotesque, and the mouth will be purely for the eating of variously flavored synthetic proteins and the drinking of scotch.